I’m Having an Affair


Shhh… this is Sexy…

I’m having an affair with my husband. Some people have date night. We have date Saturday. All – day – long! Our friends and family know that it is our day, and no one calls or drops by our house on Saturdays. Or at least I don’t think they do. We don’t answer the phone.

Our kids are grown, and my husband and I feel like we are dating again. I’ve always been in love with my husband. Madly, passionately in love. However, it wasn’t until our last son graduated high school that I realized how long I had been being mostly a mother, and not that much of a lover. To be honest, it was my wonderfully patient husband who brought it to my attention.

Oh sure, we always had sex but it was usually the quieter kind that most married, exhausted couples with kids have. Between our jobs and being parents, we put ourselves last. And it was okay, it was good, it was what we thought we were supposed to do. And it actually worked out perfectly. Our kids were able to grow up untraumatized, and now we have discovered just how much fun being middle aged can be.

So, here’s something you don’t hear very often. I love menopause! It’s great not needing to worry about birth control or periods. No more cramps, bloating, lower back aches, maxie pads, or tampons. Yay!

I love this time of my life. Some people call periods, ”The curse,” I call menopause, “The gift.”  Irritating symptoms like hot flashes can usually be managed with holistic things like black cohosh, or bioidentical hormones from our doctors. They even have special clothes to help keep you cool. If those things don’t work for you, keep trying to find something that does. But this article isn’t really about menopause.

Now, I know a lot of women are worried about body issues. Most of us feel like we’re not so young and perfect anymore. Some of us have had C-sections, or stretch marks, or just the simple circumstance of gravity. And this is where being creative comes in. There are all sorts of lingerie that can be sexy and camouflage our perceived imperfections at the same time. And I say perceived because I really believe they are way more of an issue for us women than they are for the men.

So, don’t despair that you’re getting older. Don’t worry about having an empty nest. Those are things that society likes to perpetuate. The truth is that it’s all about attitude. This is just another phase of our lives, and we can choose to enjoy it or cry over spilt milk. I feel like we have more freedom now than at any other time of our life.

My husband loves me, and I think he sees me through rose colored glasses or something because he still seems to think I’m as sexy as ever. I like to keep the lights dim, and wear something I feel sexy in, just because it makes me feel less inhibited. But sometimes he offers a full body massage with baby oil, maybe just so he can see the full Monty or whatever. Men are very visual creatures.

Now that we are able to actually take our time with each other again, we light candles, put a red scarf over a lamp, and we’ve made a romantic playlist of music on our Amazon Alexa. Find a place in your home to slow dance. Ask Alexa, or Ok Google to play songs from the year or decade you met. Planning these special times or dates is part of the fun.

I spoke of lingerie above, and you may also want to think of role playing so that you can wear little costumes. Maybe a French Maid outfit? They can provide even more cover up for us, and excitement for our husbands. When I was young, I would have felt silly or too shy to try role play. As a middle aged woman I have found that it can be a lot of fun, especially with a glass of wine, or two. There are little shops you can go to together and have fun looking through sexy lingerie or even toys and games. If we’re not going to be bold and try new things by now, then when?

Explore yourself, explore your husband. Be playful. Take the time to go on this adventure together and I can tell you, your relationship will most likely hit new heights. Talk to your husband or partner about it. Share this article with him. This is your life. Enjoy it!  

KT Banks has written two novels, a story for the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, and over one hundred articles. She has been happily married for over thirty years, has three grown sons, a daughter in law and a sweet baby grand daughter.

Her struggles with Hashimoto’s and Anxiety take away a lot of her energy and she’s not sure she will ever have the strength to write full length novels again, but that is a major goal. She believes attitude is everything and faces each day with positivity and joy, always finding something to be grateful for.

You can connect with KT on social media through Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn

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