Like the rest of mankind, I’ve let things get under my skin for years. I’d hate like hell for you to think I was writing this from some lofty pedestal. But I’ve never been one to just go along, and in my typical manner, I dug deeply for an explanation of these disturbing events in my life because I wanted passionately for my life to be harmonious and happy. In business, the environment around me is much more happy and productive once I changed.
I discovered six key reasons why anger occurs in me and why people get under my skin. I’m sure you can provide a ton more, but these are fairly substantial and universal. My hopes and dreams are that at least one of them is something with which you can identify because then you can correct it in your mind and get to harmony!
I Was Other-Focused. There is a mistaken concept often touted as good religion that we should take care of others. Many of us learned this in grade school, and if you have the tiniest bit of a conscience, you may have made this more of a priority than it deserves, as I did. Did you do this while sacrificing your own wishes, wants, and desires? Did you sublimate yourself to care for your spouse and children? Did you go out to the byways to help the poor and the homeless? Yeah, me too.
I was breaking the Law of Individuality if this situation causes anger for me because I had left myself out of the equation. The Law of Individuality touts that each of us comes fully equipped to handle her own life. There may be laziness, lack of information, disregard of another’s welfare in the other, and while this might seem harsh, another law comes into play here: The Law of Cause and Effect.
I know of an off ramp on the 210 freeway in So. California where the homeless have shifts, begging drivers for money which they then take immediately to a nearby liquor store for beer. Social workers go to that off ramp and offer jobs and housing only to be rebuffed. The Law of Cause and Effect demands these homeless reap the rewards of their own choices, and being other-focused – regardless of the love you are pumping out –doesn’t help them or you.
I now think “You (the homeless) are better than this.” Sometimes I have the opportunity to tell them that directly. I wish them better, and, just like me, they have to work for it.
I Didn’t Understand Cause and Effect. When my concept of how this Universe worked was sorely lacking, I struck out against any mist that wafted by my face! I was a fighter, an arguer, and taking a loud stand was my way. You want my opinion? I could give you copious reasons for being right to be wrong.
A noted metaphysician said “If it is you who is hurting, it is you who are wrong.” Take a big gulp and swallow that one, because it’s only by assuming responsibility for what’s happening in your life will you gain control over it.
The Law of Cause and Effect is globally misunderstood. It means your thinking is creating your life experiences. It is why the phrase “Change your stinking thinking” came about. If you are experiencing anger, you are generating that response. If you like it that way, do nothing. But if you’d prefer more harmony, you can change your reaction. I’ll tell you how later on. This is a simple, crucial bit of understanding that will transform your life once you get it.
I’ve Always Done it This Way. I think that habits always deserve a fresh look. Think back to how old you were when you first felt the way you do when you react? At that young age, did you have enough information to form a realistic reaction, or did you just erupt? Are you still erupting? There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and if you want something different – like a more harmonious life – you have within you the ability to change your mind which will change your experiences.
It’s the Example That Was Set For Me. My mother and dad fought long, loud, and often, and I was an A+ student in that school. I formed that habit early on, but at one point, I realized how it shook me up so I decided to try something different. When I learned about Cause and Effect, I had just the right tool to handle it. I had no idea all families didn’t yell and scream at one another, and righteously rail about wrongs. I learned that had my parents known better, they’d have done better. I know they did their very best under trying circumstances. I bless them, and I move away from their modus operandi. There’s no rule saying you have to do things the way that your parent’s did them.
I Felt Justified and Superior. I have one of those minds that loves logic and facts. To construct a logical argument and use it against another made me feel all juicy and superior. Somehow, probably because I was a first-born child and felt responsible for my siblings, I transferred this erring sense of responsibility to my friends. It gave me great joy, and it turned them OFF. It took me a while to stop being angry that the damn fools couldn’t see how right I was and why the heck were they not following my excellent advice complete with the reasons why they should have?
According to the Law of Individuality, not everyone “gets it” at the same time as another, and it just doesn’t help one bit to shove information down an unwilling throat. I learned that the Universe’s wisdom would provide the necessary lessons at the perfect time they needed it, and could comprehend it, and I learned to remain silent and know they were in their perfect place without any assistance from me. No need to become angry over where they were on Life’s path, no matter how the picture looked to me. It wasn’t necessary for me to sit in judgment over any other being. The wisdom of the Universe was handling it.
My dad used to say “Don’t go away mad. Just go away.” Going away now works for me!
Injustice and Helping the Underdog. If anyone understands Underdogs, it’s another Underdog. I identified with their situation because I felt like an Underdog myself. “Put up your dukes. I’ll fight beside you.” Of course, I thought they couldn’t take care of themselves because I thought I couldn’t take care of myself, and what a great way to push behind me what I needed most to do! I discovered this trait in my father and I searched for many years looking for his source. I found it.
He was fifteen when his dad lost a job at the steel mill in Donora, Pa. My grandfather was supporting a family with six kids in it and that job was essential. A family member had stolen a drill press from the mill and hidden it in the basement. The theft was blamed on my grandfather by that family member. My grandfather became so severely angry over the betrayal, that he developed bleeding ulcers and died. My father was enraged over this perfidy, and became a Union Organizer at the Mill to stand up for the little guy. He was a crusader for Underdogs all his life, another lesson I absorbed. Injustice still triggers me, but I realize in the majority of situations whose lesson is there to be learned. Mostly, it is theirs and not mine.
What’s The Cure? For the business women readership, I hope this article helps you in your relationships with your staff and with your clients. To any other readers, I hope this helps you in your life in general. I can tell you that unfolding this understanding has allowed me the peace and harmony I struggled to enjoy.
The cure is acceptance. Acceptance is the most practical form that love assumes and I highly recommend it. We are all on Life’s Path. We are each in our perfect, right spot on that path. There’s no need to be angry and let the action of other’s get under our skin. Take a more philosophical stand. Know that the Law of Cause and Effect will provide the lessons each of us needs without any interference from you. It’s truly none of your business how another lives their life, or whether you approve or not. Instead, use that time to keep your own nose clean, to advance the unfoldment of greater good for you.
Acceptance will unfold wisdom in you, and you will feel more harmonious in your life once you do. You’ve got my approval to do just that!
Pat Matson’s path of life’s unfoldment has led her into the world of copywriting where she lends her expertise to the writing of blogs, ezines, curriculum and articles with a common sense message for entrepreneurs, especially life coaches or spiritual coaches. Pat loves to bring the story inside her clients representing their businesses out into the world that needs it so. In addition to her copywriting, Pat is a Walter Method Teacher of metaphysics where she helps illuminate Life’s Laws for her students. Pat’s Write Mind is her home base.