What I Have Learned…About Others

Comments (0) Boomer Life, March 2019 KW Magazine

The topic of Others seems to be one of life’s biggest bugaboos, wouldn’t you agree? Others are intrinsic to relationships; in fact, it’d be really tough have a relationship without an other.

Others can be a true joy. They can also be a giant pain in the butt. The difference between the two boils down to one main thing: what you think about them, and that’s what I’ve learned in my seventy-seven orbits around the sun. I can control what I think about others.

“What is going on? You seem filled with anger and animosity because I won’t discuss one subject. This not talking and your avoiding me is all initiated by you. You were the one to stop watching our nightly TV shows together. You have concocted an evil scenario about me when you know the real me.”

Susan found this note on her desk when she came home from work one day. It was from the roommate to whom she had given a 30-day move- out notice. She recognized several things from the note:

  1. It was a note, not a courageous verbal discussion. Susan sees cowardice behind such an action.
  2. The entire note was all about how wrong she There was nothing in it about the roommate’s possible mistakes. Susan sees accusation as immaturity, lacking in self-direction.
  3. Susan also saw that her lack of the need to fire back a response was maturity on her part, because her perspective had not be heard over the previous year, and she thought that more than likely, her roommate had not changed.

I like others. They are bit players in My Life Game. I’ve got the starring role, and that’s eminently important to recognize, cherish, and remember. I am the boss of me. I live my life; I make my decisions; I ambulate forward; I choose when to get on my back; I perform my job; I enjoy my friends; I am the captain of my ship. I am the Star in my Life Game. And my dear friends, so are you.

I am here playing this Glorious Game called Life to understand and enjoy the goodness of my Self, and through my own conscious efforts, unfold more understanding about Life and my Self and then enjoy it even more.

Where do others enter the picture? Let me count the ways:

In As You Like It, Shakespeare said: All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.

He was talking about Others. I see life and the role others play in it as being similar. They come; they go, and the Principle Actor on the stage observes, interfaces, absorbs, discusses, thinks, and acts based on his or her interaction with others.

A key element I have learned is I can control how I react and interact with others. In fact, it’s always been under my control.

Growing up, I thought the way of my parents was the only way. Then I discovered others, and their ways. Some of them I liked. Some I did not. I imitated the ones I like and I bitched about the ones I didn’t and called those people idiots.

Maturity has humbled me and I’m no longer a name caller. I do use some names others might not like but (Ah! You’ve read my Facebook comments, eh?) I see them as a well-reasoned description of that other. J

There is a Law of Life that governs our relationship with others.

Life is individual.

To me, this means that I must have been put here fully equipped to handle all I was about to create right and wrong with my thinking. If this isn’t true, then God is less than good, and I don’t think he is.

If an other gets in my face, he or she is not telling me about me. They are telling me about them. Recently, on a temp job, I had a boss who listened to every word I spoke on the phone, and who disagreed with the majority of what I said or how I did what I did. She was tough to please and I eventually learned to laugh and not react. Once she said to me, shaking her finger “Bad, Bad, Bad! You never say that to a client. Bad, Bad, Bad.”

It’s a joke now among my girl friends. Bad, Bad, Bad. When that incident happened, I noticed that inside myself I was not having any kind of emotional reaction! I told myself “Girl, you just graduated and learned your lesson. Let’s go get a different job.”

Everyone you meet is your mirror. Those others are there to shine some neato lesson your way. They are a blessing! If you want to work on this, train yourself not to react to their “stuff” coming your way. Train yourself to ask yourself this question: “What is the lesson for me here?” Before you know it, you won’t be battered and bruised by their remarks. You’ll recognize they are talking about themselves. My boss in the last example was very threatened by my years of experience. After all, I might have known more than she knew! Her comments to me were all about her feeling threatened.

Now that I have graduated on this reacting idea, I find it so lovely to still get tested, and still pass the tests. It’s a quiet thing that happens inside me. I like it in there more now than before.

I’m already thinking about next month’s topic, and it’s going to be ultra juicy. It will be about Beliefs.

Pat Matson

I’ve retired from my copywriting business. I’m still teaching metaphysics. If you would like to know what is behind the way I think, pat.matson@gmail.com is the best way to reach me. I want to make hundreds more new friends and share what I’ve learned before it’s time to go toes up. BTW, I’ve always thought living to be 126 was a great idea. I’m working on it.

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