Should you wax or should you shave? These are the thoughts waxing, excuse the pun, through my mind as I contemplate my long-awaited vacation. I’ll be living in bikinis so this is an important decision to have to make.
When you’re going to a resort in the Caribbean for two weeks one of the things you really don’t want to be bothered with is shaving your legs and other, um, necessary areas. Underarms, hey, no problem; quickly done in the shower daily. But legs and the nether-regions, need to be hair-free preferably with no stubble. Like a Vegas show-girl, you are going to need a ‘complete wax-over’. I know all about this; I interviewed a show-girl several years ago and was totally amazed at what she goes through to achieve the sexy, glamorous image she portrays onstage. Can you say a loud, “OUCH”?
Now, even thinking about getting waxed there kind of makes women cringe. No matter how much your wax technician preps the area with aloe and vanilla sugar, no matter how smoothly she applies the softened wax strips, no matter the Zen music playing in the background and her whispered ‘Just relax’, your whole body is tensing up in preparation for the moment when she will rip the strips off your skin with tremendous force. This will be repeated as many times as is necessary so you know it’s not a onetime deal like getting a shot at your doctor’s office. For any hair that is stubborn or resistant to the wax, the terror of the tweezers looms scarily on the horizon.
It’s a form of torture for which we actually pay good money and we submit to it, if not happily, at least willingly. And we do this so that what nature gave us can be tweaked into a new version of what’s acceptable. Female hairlessness, it seems, is acceptable. Men can be hairier but not too much more; even there, I have heard tell horror stories of painful man-scaping episodes.
Now, what is very interesting as far as waxing goes is, how far are you willing to actually go with it? The showgirl I interviewed went completely hairless but she told me that many of her fellow showgirls opt for a ‘landing strip’. For those of you who don’t know what a landing strip is, (it’s possible someone doesn’t know!) let’s put it into aeronautical terms.
There’s a strip of land that a pilot follows when the plane is coming in for a landing. It guides the pilot to the exact right spot where it will nestle safe and secure. The landing strip on a female, from what I’ve heard, serves basically the same function. My personal theory is that a good and experienced pilot can guide his own plane in for a landing without any help.
Aside from having to expose certain private areas seen only by my guy and my gynecologist, my own experience on the waxing table hasn’t been all bad. My tech is professional, inscrutable, and, thank God, non-judgmental. She’s seen it all and she is completely discreet about her clients. Although there are times when I think she may be saving her thoughts for a tell-all book titled, Women I’ve Waxed or something along those lines. As an author I really should tell her to remember to make sure the names of her clients are changed to avoid libelous action.
I have a waxing appointment tomorrow. Along with the gel nail polish so my manicure looks good after being in seawater and chlorinated pools, and a pedicure to show off sexy sandals, I’m submitting my tender self to warm scented wax, possible tweezers, and holding my breath during the ouch part. Send healing thoughts my way, please.
It’s times like these that I wish we lived in a world where body hair was more appreciated. To wax or not to wax? I’m choosing to wax. Maybe I’ll get something aeronautical this time just for fun. Life’s short; you might as well experience it!
© 2019 Copyright Kristen Houghton all rights reserved
Kristen Houghton’s new book, Lilith Angel, was published in April, 2019 and is already in the top “fiction top five” by Nielson Ratings. She is the author of nine novels, two non-fiction books, a collection of short stories, a book of essays, and a children’s novella. The first four books in her best-selling series, A Cate Harlow Private Investigation, are now available in a special boxset. She is also the author of the Horror Writers of America award-winning Quick-Read, Welcome to Hell.