My life took a drastic turn in 2010. All my worries and fears came true – my dad passed away and less then 4 month later my mom was gone. They had been divorced for years and yet they passed so close together.
As baby boomers most of us are going through one of two stages: trying to help our aging parents or watching them slip through our fingers like sands in an hour glass, totally helpless to do anything to stop it.
As much as I loved my father, (and I was a daddies little girl) their is really nothing like a mother. She was my my cushion from the world. Anytime I had a disappointment or a set back she was my biggest supporter. It has been unbearable having to go on without her – We would talk every day sometimes twice a day.
She was one of the strongest and bravest women one could ever know. Having gotten in a car accident at 19 she became a paraplegic and could not walk for 57 years – that didn’t stop her, she raised 4 children and a granddaughter with such a positive attitude and an independent spirit– up until the day she left us she was talking and smiling, telling each of us how much she loved us.
Mom died on her terms and when she was ready. She took charge of her life and decided she would do it her way, choosing not to have dialysis – she wanted to enjoy eating tomato sandwiches fresh from the garden –she decided the quality of her life was more important then the quantity of her days.
She died on 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 – Year 2010, Month November (11), Day 12th, time (military) 13:14 now tell me that wasn’t in the cards. We were all by her side the moment she took her last breath and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Everyone mom met was touched by her spirit, I was told time and time again “We come to cheer Colleen up and she cheered us up”.
I now have to restructure my life and learn to live with this void. Those of you who have lost a mother know exactly what I am talking about.
They say time heals all wounds – I say time may lessen the pain but I will miss her forever until I have a chance to meet her again.
I decided to talk at her funeral – I talked at my Grandsons funeral ( my daughter wrote a beautiful poem for her son) I talked at my dad’s funeral to honor him – how could I not honor my mother in the same way.
Trembling and overwhelmed with grief I stood up at the podium and paid this tribute to her.
My Mom My Hero…
My heart is breaking and my soul is dying. I cannot bear to lose my mom, I know it is inevitable in the scheme of things but how to survive. She was my best friend, my confidant, my rock, my mom…
I struggled with the though of speaking at her funeral, do I have what it takes to be able to utter a word without falling apart?
But I wanted to honor her – I want her to know how much she means to me, how much I lover her and how I will forever have a hole in my heart. I may put one foot in front of the other – but I will be so lost – so heart broken – so shattered. Her essence will be with me forever, but I know I will see her again one day.
Mom recently told me the only thing that is making her stay is her family but she knows that she will be able to see us and be with us once she passes… That does give me solace if just a little bit.
This strong woman – who I was blessed to have as my mom, was my rock – she had the strength of 10 men and a determination as no other. She knew what she wanted and would not let any adversity pull her down. She struggled and suffered through out her life with a smile on her face and a can do attitude… What a roll model for a young girl – what a blessing to be loved, cherished and nurtured by her. What an honor to be called her daughter.
Very few of us will ever be called on to deal with the tragedies and pain she has gone through in her life – thank goodness. And even fewer of us will have the guts and grit that it takes to not only survive but shine no matter what life throws at you. Anyone who has met my mom knows exactly what I am talking about…
We must always remember – her beautiful face will be smiling down on us where ever we go. Her love will envelope her children and grandchildren for as long as we all shall live. Her memory will resonate through the generations as we will all tell the tale of this amazing woman who through all adversity – beat the odds over and over again.
I am so lucky to call her my mother, I am so blessed to be loved by her – and so humbled by the greatness of it all…
I love you Mom…