Women of excellence: be your amazing self

Comments (0) Relationships/Marriage/Divorce

Finding a good match for a mate (or even a date) seems to be a dilemma for many women—especially a woman over 40 who’s confident, focused, decisive, wise, independent, attractive and ambitious, and in many cases fearless. This combination can scare some men off. However, there are men who are seeking a woman of excellence with all of those qualities.

Unfortunately, too many women end up settling for men who don’t appreciate them, can’t handle their brilliance or won’t step up to the plate. Oftentimes women “play down” their accomplishments or success in an effort to appear less intimidating. Wrong answer. Despite what statistics suggest, there are quality men out there who are actually available, seeking companionship with a mature woman of excellence, and eager to give you his best while bringing out your best. Okay… I didn’t say how many are out there, but they’re out there. He might be at the hardware store (don’t you need a new screwdriver anyway?) or at the bookstore, at a cookout, at an art exhibit or a health seminar, or even on your commute to or from work. The point is, where you meet him is less important than what he’s about once you get to know him.

One woman I know—sharp, intelligent, successful, kind and attractive—thought she had met a nice guy from church (a nice place to meet a guy right?) and decided to go out with him. He had recently been laid off from a company he’d worked at for almost 20 years, but he had a history of stability from what she could see and many other great qualities. After a few dates, she felt comfortable enough to invite him to her home. She noticed his reaction to the expansiveness of her five-bedroom, three-bathroom house with modern décor and all the amenities almost anyone could want. She never heard from him after that. Until that night they had talked for hours every night since meeting, so it was unusual for her not to hear from him for several days in a row.

When she contacted him, he mumbled some nonsense excuse about being “really busy” and getting back on track with his finances. Blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden, he was a disappearing act, and she couldn’t figure it out. What apparently happened is that he saw what her standard of living was and made all types of assumptions about what his role might have been in helping her to maintain that lifestyle. The man she thought had some potential turned out to be insecure, full of excuses and otherwise unappealing.

She wondered whether allowing him to see her lavish living was a mistake and actually blamed herself for making him feel inadequate. What she didn’t realize is that while she liked him for the person he was on the inside, he was overly focused on what he saw in her on the outside. A man of quality will place more value on what’s on a woman’s heart rather than judging her by what she has or doesn’t have.

If a woman is smart AND personable, has a great sense of humor AND is compassionate, is attractive AND friendly AND successful AND a great cook, why is that overwhelming to some men? Is it that he finds it hard to believe that all those great qualities can be housed in one woman? Is it that in his narrow mind a woman can have a few of those qualities but not be the whole package? The bottom line is that some men simply cannot handle the aura of a woman of excellence and all that she brings to the table. But why should she tone down her abilities, attractiveness or accomplishments to make him feel less intimidated?

If he can’t handle you the way you are, he’s not worth your time or energy. So be your amazing self and soon enough you’ll attract a man who’s just as amazing.

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